I’m feeling anxious, having thoughts of, “I can’t do this.” I’m making plans for myself and know I won’t keep them. I often break promises to myself. Just yesterday, speaking to my sponsor, I declared, “If I say I’ll do it, I keep my word.” But, it’s always keeping my word TO OTHER. Why not me? Welp, it’s because I have a self-love deficit, otherwise known as CoDependency.
I think back to a time when I was stood up by someone. I felt sad, hurt, unimportant, and disappointed in the person who canceled on me. It is the same when I don’t show up for myself. I, unconsciously, set myself up to view myself as unreliable, flaky, and believed the narrative that I’m not important and worthy of this time for myself. The old, tired refrain, “Why Bother”, is retiring.
Being aware of my resistance to follow through for myself and my willingness to change holds me accountable. I must foster my own loving parent to gently urge me through the fears and also to encourage me that I’m worth it. It is a eternal building cycle of inspiration, action and follow through that builds up my trust in myself ero, my self-esteem.
I start by viewing commitments to myself as high importance. I apply the same rules that I would to showing up to a work meeting or plans with a good friend. For plans with others, I keep commitments, plan for and around them, and they have high priority in my schedule. This is true usually whether I want to do them or not.
I will stop thinking and treating my goals like I’m not as important as another, or taking care of myself is a luxury that can wait. I will treat myself like the wonderful human I am and value the commitments I made to myself. This will boost my self-confidence and lead me towards the life I want to live.